Yes, that is almost what happened eventually. Got an account with ABN Amro but only after talking to a fifth employee. The first four all gave me different information, it was never really wrong but always incomplete.
The first one was from a general ABN Amro call center, she said it should be possible to open an account but she had to put me through to a local office. There I spoke to a guy who sounded like it was his first day on the job. He seemed utterly confused by my question, said he didn't know why his colleague would tell me it was possible to get an account without the BSN. I believed his stuttering words, he knew nothing.
The third emailed me several times promising she would find out more and arrange this account for me. She then told me that I needed to get a BSN but not necessarily an address in The Netherlands.
-During this time I figured out that BSN and sofinummer are not the same thing, contrary to what everyone had been telling me. Apparently, what is now called BSN used to be called sofinummer, but sofinummer didn't dissappear. What they now call sofinummer is basically a temporary BSN for people who stay in The Netherlands for only up to four months. To get a BSN you need an address, to get a sofinummer you do not. -
So, when this lady told me to go get a BSN, I went and got my sofi from the Tax Department. I called her back to let her know, she wasn't in. I emailed her and got an out-of-office reply. She never came back from vacation, as far as I know.
I tried again. I went to an ABN Amro office. I thought, maybe in person, I'll get this fixed. The woman there told me that without an address, I could only open a special kind of account for 'niet-ingezetenen' that would cost me a fair amount monthly. She said that possibly I could change it to a regular account once I had an address. When I told her 'fine, this is my last resort, I'll pay the extra money for a few weeks or months, she just sat and looked at me for a bit and told me to think about it for a few days, to call her back in two and a half weeks cause she was also taking a holiday. It was in the afternoon, maybe she still had to pack.
Then, finally, I found someone I vaguely know who lives in The Netherlands and got him to make me yet another appointment with yet another bank employee. This woman was very open and clear, she explained things, completed all the pieces of information I had gathered, and opened me a bank account. Just like that.
I needed a sofinummer and proof that I lived on the foreign address that I gave them (which was on the sofinummer paper) and she had all she needed. When she was filling out my file, she turned her screen so I could see. I was baffled by the sight of a simple address form field titled 'country'. They fill it in on every form for a new account, but none of the others could help me.
I felt sad and happy, frustrated and relieved. But this lady knows it, I got her name, I'm asking for only her whenever I need to ever do anything bank related. I'll gladly sit on the bus for a half hour cause her office isn't close to my home (which - yay - I found as well).
Worth to mention though, cause I don't want to sound like I'm all complaining, there's a reason I kept trying ABN Amro. I contacted four other banks which were a lot less helpful. I'm very happy with how it all turned out eventually, and at least a few of them appeared to be trying to help.
It was frustrating but rewarding.
Hope this is of some support if anyone ever has trouble with this again.
Thanks again for the replies.
Eva