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i guess you are barred from going to kiwiland now...

Q: What is the difference between a Rolling Stone and a Scotsman?
A: The Rolling Stone says, "Hey, you! Get off of my cloud."
The Scotsman says, "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

mas fred wrote:

Q: What is the difference between a Rolling Stone and a Scotsman?
A: The Rolling Stone says, "Hey, you! Get off of my cloud."
The Scotsman says, "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

That was a real groaner mas fred! Cute, but a groaner none the less.

Cheers,
James

Hahahahaha!

Hahahahaha!

Hahaha good one.

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

what would i have to do to put more miles in between..

hELLnoi wrote:

what would i have to do to put more miles in between..

Sheepdogs?

mas fred wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

what would i have to do to put more miles in between..

Sheepdogs?

Great...
then we can shEEpdoGGie kebab after

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar. The bartender asks him, "Would you like another drink?" Descartes replies, "I think not" and vanishes.

Funny thing when people discuss arrange marriage v/s /!\ I AM A STUPID SPAMMER /!\. It is like asking to someone that suicide is better than being hanged...

JasfurJQ wrote:

Funny thing when people discuss arrange marriage v/s /!\ I AM A STUPID SPAMMER /!\. It is like asking to someone that suicide is better than being hanged...

ok looks like you will spend old age by yourself..

hELLnoi wrote:

i guess you are barred from going to kiwiland now...

I'm baaaaaaaaed

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar. The bartender asks him, "Would you like another drink?" Descartes replies, "I think not" and vanishes.

ug

How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the bulb really has to want to change.

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.

"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to 20 different countries and learned to speak 10 languages? He was a man of many cultures.

What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.

What do you get if you cross a dyslexic and an agnostic?

A man who doesn't know whether to believe in dog or not.

that bouncing sheep is at it again...
no more sheep jokes.
or it is kebab time...

What do you do if you see a spaceman




Park in it man.

There was a funny sign board near school which says:
"Pl drive carefully, don't harm the students..
Just wait for teachers!"

What did the piece of coal tell her son when her husband turned into a diamond?
Your dad's been under a lot of pressure lately.

What do you call when a truck runs over your toe?
A toe truck!!

I'd hate to know what you think a dump truck does.

The sweet, caring, loyal, loving girlfriend -
never fights,
never argues,
never takes advantage,
never leaves,
never slaps,
never makes you cry,
never hurts,
.
.
.
and doesnÂ’t exist!

There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!" Later on an hour passes. The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"

Nikki_66 wrote:

There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!" Later on an hour passes. The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"

When I do something without being told, I'm overstepping my authority
When my boss does the same, that's initiative:)

Never believe an atom.  They make up everything.

Him: Does this shirt make me look fat?
Me: Nope.. but the fat makes you look fat.

A Chinese guy calls to U.S..
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
... Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
... Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry...

Me: Hell, what is your age?
Hell: Why?
  Me: Scientist are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain. So i want to give the solution by telling your age. 

Good one

laughing

JasfurJQ wrote:

The sweet, caring, loyal, loving girlfriend -
never fights,
never argues,
never takes advantage,
never leaves,
never slaps,
never makes you cry,
never hurts,
.
.
.
and doesnÂ’t exist!

There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.